Monday, January 27, 2014

Not as it appears.....

I see these blog posts with these wondrous homeschooling days and pictures to go with it. I'm guilty of only posting positive pictures with ALL smiles.  It's not always like that.  Don't be decieved dear mothers and anyone who reads my blog or looks at my facebook with envy.  What you don't see are the struggles that as a homeschool mom I know every mom who homeschools goes through.  There's no pictures of the daily meltdowns of my child with Asperger's or the kids when they are in time out because they wouldn't be quiet when asked to be or after they have been spanked for doing something when I told them to stop or just for being defiant.  There are no pictures of me losing my patience when they just aren't getting it.  There's only pictures of smiles. All smiles.  I choose to share these pictures of positive smiles because it's a very dark blog post when you post other types of pictures. Who wants to read a negative blog post? Not me.

When in a conversation about homeschooling with my non-homeschooling friends their #1 reason is "I could never have enough patience to do it."  Well I don't either. Quite honestly I have very little patience but God gives me the grace to get through teaching my children.  #2 reason is "I'm not confident enough to take on that task."  Yes I understand but aren't we all a bit hard on ourselves and don't see ourselves the way others see us.  I didn't have much self confidence to begin with and the years were a bit rough and we just got by in the beginning.  I take that as experience under my belt and move on.  At the time, I was surviving.  Having God as my guide has proven to be the most effective confidence booster to date.  He has been there and when I felt like nobody understood the way I was feeling. God understands.  He also doesn't call us to do something that He won't equip us for.  I love to be an encourager to fellow homeschooling moms but I also love to be an encourager to those moms who feel like homeschooling should be an option but they don't have that confidence to do it.  The longer you wait to homeschool your child the less confidence you will have because you will think they are fine.  The classroom teachers that you withdraw your child from may tell you that the school classroom is the best option for your child. Only you know this.  For some kids they thrive in a classroom setting.  For many though, they just get by.  The educational system in American is failing us.  Non-homeschooling mom if your child is struggling, failing, or just hates school and you feel for them and have considered homeschooling, then I am here to help. I don't know everything but I happen to have a support system that I can connect you with if you need it.

So when you look at me, my facebook page, or read my post please know that with the smiles I post or with the fun activities that I share there is also a world of struggle behind the scence.  We rejoice when there's a breakthrough of knowledge.  We celebrate when they finally get it.  That celebration gets us through the next struggles.  Last but not least, I get up every morning before my children and I read my Bible and I pray for me, for them, and for others.  At 7:45 every morning my children sit in the couch next to me and they bring me the devotional and we read a devotion.  We discuss things going on around us.  They share prayer requests with me and they share their fears.  Children have fears.  As much as I've tried to keep their little eyes and ears protected they still have fears of the unknown.  THANK GOD they are not exposed to public school.  I couldn't imagine the way they would be affected had they so far been in public school. I base everything around the good Lord and living a Christian life for my children.  They see me mess up every day and so many times a day now that I am pregnant and hormonal.  They know mommy is not perfect and that's what I want.  I want them to know that when they can't rely on mommy to be there for them or daddy that God is ALWAYS there.  They just need to pray.  

I hope that this has helped someone in some way.  I want to be transparent.  I don't want to be deceiving when it comes to posting pictures. I struggle just like everyone else.  I just choose to take it to God first thing in the morning and shake it off. I encourage you to do the same.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014


Wow it's been a little while since I've written.  I need to get back to it.  I'm sure that I am going to have a lot more to share with you all now that we are SURPRISE!....expecting #4.  What a blessing!  We found out January 1, 2014.  What a way to start the new year off!  I have to be honest.  I didn't take the news well at first.  It was very selfish of me but I think I would be doing a disservice to my readers to not be honest.  I also want to look back and read this when I am holding this precious baby in my arms and be so thankful that God gave me the blessing that I so did NOT deserve.  Discussions were made a few months ago with hubby about #4 and it just never went anywhere.  I was scared.  God knew the deep down desires of my heart but my human mind and my lack of self esteem and the lack of believing in myself kept me from acting on those desires.  Also the logical reasoning going through my head too as well as coming out of others' mouths.  There was the comment that I have three healthy, smart, beautiful children.  I should be thankful for them and move on.  There's different stages of life.  There's a little kiddo stage and then for my oldest there's a raising tweens/teen stage.

One other thing that held me off from acting on this desire is that two people very close to me had a miscarriage.  My sister who has been battling with infertility and does not have any children as of yet had a miscarriage in September.  Then in October one of my best of friends had a miscarriage.  She has three children but that didn't lessen the pain any more than it was for my sister.  My heart hurt and I truly mourned with them.  I tried to help them through this horrific time in their lives.  In the end I am so proud of them for moving on and being the Godly women that they are choosing to move forward with their lives.  I pray daily for them to get the desire that they have for another precious baby.

My first appointment with the doctor is on January 30th.  That's next Thursday and I am excited.  My mom is coming over to go with me so the kids can go to my first appointment with me.  I am 7 weeks today and have already battled tonsillitis and a double ear infection.  The antibiotics are causing nausea.  Please don't hate me for this but I don't usually have "morning sickness" with my pregnancies.  I think my mood swings make up for it though.  I sure have had my share of those this past week.  I guess that's a good sign that baby is growing and thriving.  Hopefully my kids won't end up hating me before the end of the first trimester.

So there that is.  Happy New Year!  Happy 2014 to us!