Just need prayer. Thanks in advance for any prayers you offer on my behalf. Its taken me 3 days to be able to publish this but I feel that my transparency is required.
Monday, October 13, 2014
It's really hard to lose focus and get caught up in the hard moments we have. I have had a rough day. Wait I've had a rough week last week. My husband is working 5 days a week 14 plus hours a day when we are used to him working four ten hour days. He's usually home Thursday around 5 until Monday morning without interruption from work. He was tired when he got home last week and just kinda hung out. I've had a hard time adjusting to having a baby after 6 years. I had got used to Caleb being quite independent. I've found myself wishing Hannah wasnt so needy and wishing she was a little bit older. I've found mysf in discontentment quite a bit lately. I am starting to write in my journal again. Discontentment is a sign of ungratefulness. I've never been discontented. I've never been one tbat needs to have all the latest fashion in clothes, hairdos, manicures, and pedicures and let's dont forget all the jewelry and name brand makeup there is to use. That stuff just isn't important to me. I've never had a problem with self image. Never felt self conscious about my figure. Never felt like I wasnt good enough. These thoughts are now becoming very frequent in my head. I'm constantly trying to measure up. I know the enemy is trying to make me feel bad about myself and question myself. He's a sly old snake. Evil! I have even felt unvaluable as "just a mother" lately. I'm in a hard place right now. It's very hard for me to admit this. It's very hard to ask for help. It's very hard for me to admit I need help. I need to let the pride there go. I'm being very transparent. I will be honest. Losing my child at the Perry Fair is when these thoughts really started to flood my mind. I felt like a failure. First the enemy tried to stop me from going to the fair becUse of fear of losing my "wild child". Then it really happened. I had prayed that morning for my children to be safe and I didnt think anything else about it. Then it happened. The enemy will not win though. The Lord gives us just what we need right on time. In the last week after this happened I've had several friends call and check on me. I also had some text me just to check in. I've also helped some friends out lately by encouraging them. I am a firm believer in sowing and reaping. If I am needing encouragement in my life I sow encouragment and I always get it back. If I sow time, I always get that time back. This is with everything. This still dont take away the fact that satan is trying to steal my joy, peace, and contentment. I need prayers. These are three things that I have been ae to hold onto and I am losing grip on them.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Hannah is 6 weeks old now. I had my reservations about going but I didnt want the older kids to miss out because of my fears of losing one of them in the massive crowds. When we got into the fair we walked through the poultry building. The kids got to see a little chick hatch. Caleb was super excited he got to see that happen. We walked all the way to the south gate to see what all there was going on and made a note of it. By that time we were all hungry for lunch. We walked out to the car and ate lunch in the shade under the picnic table.
We got done eating and went back im. We walked through the cattle building and saw some mini horses competing. Then we met up with a few from our group and stayed with them for the rest of the day. We were able to walk through the building with the mini horses and the kids got to let them. Sarah especially loved this because she has a love of horses. I have pictures!
Noah went with the group and Sarah, Caleb, Hannah, and I walked tothe monkey show. We caught up with the group at the wake board show. After the wake board show we were headed to the clock and as I do every few minutes checked to make sure all my kids are with us. I didnt see Caleb. I asked Sarah and then Noah where he was and they did not know. I told the ladies in the group. We frantically looked for him calling out his name. I pulled up a picture I had just took of him on my phone and i was showing people. In about 5 minutes but what seemed like forever one of the ladies in the group helping me look for him yelled out she has found him. A lady who saw him crying had found him and was about to take him to the police. When I got to him I broke down and started crying. My fear of losing him in the Perry Fair crowds became a reality.
After I regained my composure we walked towards the clock to take a bathroom break before the circus. We had planned to leave after that but Sarah reminded me that we didnt go to the petting zoo. We went through that and that was neat. I also let them go in a cage with a bunch of birds and a food stick. They loved that. Heres some pictures from that.
This bird thing was so fun. I dont remember what it was called but the kids really enjoyed it. Beside that was a sea lion show that was going to start about 45 minutes after we finished at the bird feeding cage. Sarah really wanted to do that so we hung out and they loved that. We headed out when that was done. We stopped by Chik-Fil-A on out way out.
All in all it was a wonderful day!! Loved the time with my kids. I also enjoyed hanging out with our homeschool group friends. I am tired this morning. I'm achy all over but what could have ended up being one of the worst days of life(losing Caleb and not finding him) turned out to be a great day. I have no doubt the good Lord placed the caring lady who had him in that very place at that very time to protect Caleb and get him safely back to us. Thank you Jesus!
Monday, October 6, 2014
If I had my way Fall would always be in the air. I do love the other seasons too. To me Fall means lovely scents in the air, soups, chilli, and Pumpkin deserts. It means there is a masterpiece of color outside from fall flowers like mums and Marigolds to the changing leaves and beautiful sunsets. It also means that Thanksgiving ans Christmas is just around the corner and that means sweet famy memories to be made.
Fall to me in the Christian sense means harvest of souls. I'm reflectinf on how many people I have led to the Lord. I've not led many but I feel like I may have been an example to someone. I'm not one to push my beliefs on others but if the time is right I always feel the Holy Spirit nudge me a bit. I've never had anyone just outright talk bad to me when trying to give an encouraging word or be a witness.
Fall has also meant that we are in full swing with school. The weather is gorgeous so the kids are motivated to get their schoolwork done and get outside to play. I am trying to really enjoy everything while keeping everything balanced. We enjoyed the afternoon at the state park yesterday. It was awesome and a real refreshment for me. It started my week off just right.
I hope everyone is doing well. I hope to start blogging more. Right now we are still adjusting to the new baby. We are currently going through the 6 week growth spurt and my 6 year old is cutting his 6 yr molars. Fun stuff! I am thankful for my children. My cup is full! All Glory to Him!