Just need prayer. Thanks in advance for any prayers you offer on my behalf. Its taken me 3 days to be able to publish this but I feel that my transparency is required.
Monday, October 13, 2014
Hard places or Happy times
It's really hard to lose focus and get caught up in the hard moments we have. I have had a rough day. Wait I've had a rough week last week. My husband is working 5 days a week 14 plus hours a day when we are used to him working four ten hour days. He's usually home Thursday around 5 until Monday morning without interruption from work. He was tired when he got home last week and just kinda hung out. I've had a hard time adjusting to having a baby after 6 years. I had got used to Caleb being quite independent. I've found myself wishing Hannah wasnt so needy and wishing she was a little bit older. I've found mysf in discontentment quite a bit lately. I am starting to write in my journal again. Discontentment is a sign of ungratefulness. I've never been discontented. I've never been one tbat needs to have all the latest fashion in clothes, hairdos, manicures, and pedicures and let's dont forget all the jewelry and name brand makeup there is to use. That stuff just isn't important to me. I've never had a problem with self image. Never felt self conscious about my figure. Never felt like I wasnt good enough. These thoughts are now becoming very frequent in my head. I'm constantly trying to measure up. I know the enemy is trying to make me feel bad about myself and question myself. He's a sly old snake. Evil! I have even felt unvaluable as "just a mother" lately. I'm in a hard place right now. It's very hard for me to admit this. It's very hard to ask for help. It's very hard for me to admit I need help. I need to let the pride there go. I'm being very transparent. I will be honest. Losing my child at the Perry Fair is when these thoughts really started to flood my mind. I felt like a failure. First the enemy tried to stop me from going to the fair becUse of fear of losing my "wild child". Then it really happened. I had prayed that morning for my children to be safe and I didnt think anything else about it. Then it happened. The enemy will not win though. The Lord gives us just what we need right on time. In the last week after this happened I've had several friends call and check on me. I also had some text me just to check in. I've also helped some friends out lately by encouraging them. I am a firm believer in sowing and reaping. If I am needing encouragement in my life I sow encouragment and I always get it back. If I sow time, I always get that time back. This is with everything. This still dont take away the fact that satan is trying to steal my joy, peace, and contentment. I need prayers. These are three things that I have been ae to hold onto and I am losing grip on them.